uneasy mind remedy

I must say that my current job puts me into a quite content state of mind Alhamdulillah. Lagi-lagi right now tengah cuti semester, and this week is the final week for us to key in the marks. I still got a bunch of lab reports to be marked, but that should be settled by Thursday the latest. 

Overall, a very relaxed working period for us. 

No class, 

No lectures, 

No lab, 

No need to rush in for 8 am class,

No tunggang langgang siapkan lecture notes.

*Jumps in the air!

But somehow, today ada something went wrong. And I don't feel good about it. 'This' thing could cost my reputation. And I am stressed, worried, scared. You name it. 

When I am stressed, I need to do something to take it away. Or at least take my mind away from thinking about it. I would like to share some of what I did for the past few years when I am dealing with stress. 

Anything related to cleaning, organizing and rearranging. THESE put my mind at ease.

Bila kita stress, memang jelas otak kita serabut. We cannot think straight. We cannot rationalize. Of course I cannot kemas my brain. But I can kemas what I see. And it calms me. 

Here are some of what I did:

1. Basuh toilet

Its a fun thing to tenyeh2 mangkuk tandas tu. Kalau geram kat orang, tenyehhhh lagi kuat! Huh. The result will be a shinier mangkuk tandas. Cam enjoy je buat 'bisnes' lepas tu. 

2. Color-code my dress/ wardrobe

I did this since sekolah asrama lagi. Ada banyak baju kurung nak kena hang. So bila dah color-code cam jadi lawa gile lah.. sedap mata memandang gitu (Tak boleh blah). Dah kata juara loker terceria, ahaks (somebody please spank me).

Nanti if you guys dah color-code, mesti rasa asik nak bukak almari aje. Although takde nak salin baju pun. Hehe.

3. Ubah kedudukan perabot/ stuff on the working desk.

Bila kemas meja, barulah perasan ada banyak sampah rupanya. Banyak pen yg dah takda ink, kertas conteng2 yang not worth keeping etc. Time ni la baru jumpa pen merah yang hilang 2 bulan lepas. Dang, too late. Dah beli pen baru. Padan muka.

4. Organize/ Archiving files (Hardcopy or softcopy)

When I was in my undergraduate study, I love to organize my lecture notes and tutorials. I labelled them according to topics for easy referencing. But today, since I don't have any.. I decided to give my gmail a better, organized, fresher and more awesome look. I labelled my emails! 

And I color-code the emails too! According to folders! 

Although all these might not address your problems, at least you will end up with a cleaner toilet, awesome-looking wardrobe, tidier desk and emails that you would be eager to login to. Hee!!

of burnt clothes and et cetera

Hari ni almost 6 bulan aku tak tulis blog. Aku pun tak tau la KPI untuk blog aku ni berapa entri nya setahun. Once a year maybe? I think I know why I didn't really want to write on anything... I am just too... reserved. Aku bukan jenis orang yang suka cerita perihal sendiri, cause I think, when I do that, I am going to be very vulnerable... rasa cam exposed gitu. And apesal pula hari ni rasa nak tulis something? Sebab aku rasa facebook is too open to tell the world what you did and stuff. And a blog is where you can write anything you want without your close friends judging you. Lagi-lagi aku yang takda followers ni.. maybe diri sendiri je yang baca, ahaks. Aku rasa ramai orang tulis blog because the need to write something to spill something, so that one day they can look back and reread their entries over and over again. Bukan? Ah sudahlah Farah!

I feel like I have been spending way too many hours in front of the Facebook. Apa aku dapat? Hari-hari baca newsfeed macam itu aje lah sumber news yang ada. What the..... And I've got my dad a facebook account a few monts ago. It looks like they're hooked up too. Hope it brings more good than harm though. In a way aku tengok ayah aku seronok berfacebook, getting in touch with long lost co-workers and friends. Sejak dua menjak ni, aku tengok ke mana-mana aja diorang bawa kamera (mine plak tu!) Balik-balik terus upload facebook.. OMG ini dah lagi dasyat dari anak-anak dia ni. Ahaks.

Anyway, this entry is going to be about burnt clothes. Dibakar oleh siapa?? oleh seterika bertuah. There are a few occasions where I burnt my clothes while ironing them. Seterika rumah aku ni mmg ngok ngek sikit.. Over panasnya. And most clothes that I have burnt are the very fine and delicate fabric, which of course require a lower temperature and the very smart me tak kuasa nak lower it down. Last time was my baju raya. Well, truth be told, aku ni jenis yang selalu beli baju kurung siap, and aku suka beli yang murah-murah kalau boleh nak yang RM50 sepasang. Murah, cantik dan awesome. Itulah motto aku kalau nak shopping. Yes kedekut to some extent. Tapi for raya last year aku ada beli satu baju kurung moden ni which cost me RM150. It was very expensive for me (like boleh dapat 3 pasang kot!! kalau aku beli yg RM50 ones).

Dijadikan cerita.. lepas sekali pakai. Nak iron the second time. I BURNT IT.... like aaaaaaaaaaa... there goes my RM150!!! Haih.. A few weeks after that, aku suruh mak aku carikkan patch lace and cover the burnt part (and another lace to balace it too.. so that seimbang kiri kanan). Em.. the moral is.. I don't know.. maybe itu peringatan yang harta itu memang pinjaman. Baju kurung mahal kau ni hanya pinjaman Farah oi!

Semalam aku iron baju kurung moden aku beli kat jalan TAR 2 years ago which costs around RM60 (Yayyy cheaper). It has a abstract corak and I quite like it. I usually wear it to kenduri kawin or sometimes to class occasionally. And I burnt it tooo!!! Kecewa gak tapi apa nak buat. Its not like I can turn back time. Bila dah terbakar and jadi arwah tu, aku usung ke bilik, dengan hanger aku angkat and usha baju tu for the last time and asked what was wrong with this baju kurung that this thing had to happen. Aku angkat tinggi-tinggi. And I think I got the answer. It was too translucent. As simple as that. Maybe Allah wants me to know that.. "no you shouldn't be wearing that, sweetheart". The baju and the kain are the same corak tapi baju tu was from a chiffon fabric and the kain was a bit opaque. I usually wear it with an inner. But what's the use of an inner if it's too tight? 

Ah.. Sweet kan, Allah? :)

Teaching for Dummies

Fuhhhh Fuhhhh (*hembus habuk dan debu)

Dah dekat setahun anniversary blog ni tiada entri bertulis. Untuk meraikan anniversary ni, maka aku cadang nak tulis something pasal the thing that I am currently doing, which is teaching. Aku mula mengajar beberapa bulan yang lepas, subjek Biology untuk A-level. Bila kawan-kawan dengar je aku kerja ni, keluarlah kata-kata seperti:

“Eh Bitt, macam mana bitt ajar, presentation honours pun suara cam nak nangis je cakap cam kereta api?”

“Apa???? Jadi lecturer?” gelak-gelak jap. “Mesti kena buli dengan students.. muka cam students”

“Teringin nak tengok kau mengajar Bitt… tolonglah record” ß ni request paling banyak dapat.. pergh kalau aku upload kat Youtube tak dapat view 1000 (at least) siap lah korang. Anyway tak main la upload-upload aku bukan Cikgu Shida ok.

Jadi, ni aku nak cerita lah ni macam mana aku survive teaching buat mereka yang masih bertanda-tanya. Well obviously aku tiada training dalam bidang teaching and pedagogy ni, haruslah menggelabah (gila) kan di hari pertama masuk kelas. Beberapa hari sebelum aku start mengajar, kami yang baru masuk ni ada kursus sehari in which dia beritahu la serba-sedikit, what to do and all on the very first day of class.

Among all, aku paling terkesan bila diorang tunjuk short movie clip from "Mona Lisa Smile". Scene Julia Roberts, seorang cikgu baru masuk kelas first dekat Arts College terkemuka Weseley College. Sebelum masuk kelas, ada cikgu lain pesan kat Julia "Be careful, they can smell fear" Sila forward ke minit yang ke 6.00.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1w9QYDmV3MU

Bila tengok je video tu, aku cam OMG that is probably whats going to happen to me !!!! Cuak gila okay?

Anyway, takda la teruk mana pun. Berikut adalah tips-tips yang aku amalkan untuk survive teaching.

Never reveal your age.

Kebanyakan lecturer baru masuk ni umur pun lingkungan aku je, lagi muda pun ada. So, the first rule is NEVER REVEAL YOUR AGE to the students. Students yang aku ajar ni actually fresh after SPM so umur diorang adalah 18 tahun. Tak jauh beza pun dalam 7 tahun je. Kadang-kadang aku tengok cermin, rasa muka aku pun macam diorang je haihh.. memang masalah. Students ni bukan calang-calang, semua (ya semmmua sekali) dapat straight A’s SPM hokkay.. Haruslah straight A’s kan, kalau tak jangan harap JPA nak hantar diorang buat Medic. Dah la cemerlang terbilang dapat biasiswa buat medic dan dijangka terbang ke Ireland/ India, korang bayangkan lah ego diorang macam mana kan.. Tetiba masuk kolej, “Ek ehhh, apsal dapat lecturer muda? Boleh ke ajar kami yang bijak pandai lagi intelektual ni??” OK ni dialog rekaan semata-mata.

First time aku masuk kelas, muka sorang-sorang aku tengok cam Einstein dah haa… jelas tergambar dalam otak diorang dok meneka berapakah umur lecturer kat depan diorang ni. Selepas beberapa minit briefing apa jadah semua, maka aku pun tanya “Allright, any questions??” in which aku dah boleh agak apa diorang nak tanya “Miss, how old are you?” zassss. Anda patut jawab “Well, old enough to teach you…” dengan lagak macho tapi ended up aku tak jawab macam tu pun. LOL. Bukan apa, once they know that we are young ataupun baru grad ke, diorang punya level of respect will drop a bit, so keep it a hush hush.

Learn to say “I don’t know” in different ways.

Well, mengajar para cendikiawan ni memang mencabar, lagi-lagi tahap ingin-tahu (curiousity) diorang memang tinggi tahap Skyscraper Demi Lavato wohh. Diorang memang suka tanya benda yang out-of-syllabus. Sometimes their questions are from genuine curiosity but sometimes they wanted to test your knowledge, so kena pandai beza. Biasanya after aku explain something or after habis satu subtopic ke, aku akan tanya “OK, any questions for this topic??” dengan muka selamba muka konon pandai padahal dalam hati jantung berdegup kencang “OMG please lah jangan tanya benda yang aku tak baca lagi or soalan merapu” hahah. But if they do ask some killer questions, here are some of the ways:

Honest – Kalau soalan yang ditanya agak relevan tapi aku tak berapa nak ingat you can just simply be honest by saying “I am not sure about that, I will double check and get back to you tomorrow??” Lepas tu balik office baru menggelabah la baca buku cari jawapan.. But jangan sesekali lupa nak jawab the following day, because each time we are able to answer their questions, their trust will build up.

Divert – Takkan la setiap kali tanya soalan nak jawab “I don’t know, I will get back tomorrow” sampai sepuluh kali back to back. Agak-agak la kan. Mesti diorang cam… errr lecturer ni pergi sekolah ke tak ni semua benda pun tak tau.. apa cerita?? So the next trick is to divert the question. Mula-mula puji dulu “That’s a very good question” dengan senyuman sinis lepas tu tanya the whole class “Anyone wants to give a try/ Anyone have any idea???”. Diorang ni adalah sangat competitive between each other (kiasu) so haruslah menunjukkan kepandaian dengan menjawab soalan rakan-rakan diorang, ye tak? So yeah, aku terselamat di situ.

Kadang-kadang soalan diorang tu bukanlah killer pun, cumanya jawapan kepada soalan itu terlampau complicated and belajar time degree nanti. Contohnya macam blood clotting cascade. Yang diorg perlu tahu adalah:

Simple aje. Tapi kalau tanya macam "How does Vitamin K helps blood clotting?" Ahh demm.. Kadang-kadang susah nak explain in a simpler way. It may involve something like this.. :

Haa amekaww.. berkerut dahi semua. Of course lah tak faham kan. Awal-awal aku layankan aja curiosity mereka. Lama-lama diorang dah get the point that maybe they should learn things slowly (and not skip a few years forward??).

Kadang-kadang kalau dapat soalan tulus macam "Miss, the DNA is in what colour eh? Is it colourful? So each base has got different colours issit?" (=.=) Alahaii....

OK dah panjang sangat ni, lab reports melambai-lambai untuk dimark. Bye.

Teaching is a mutual thing. They learn from you, and you learn from them. My students are my best teachers.

of water turbulences

"Your mind is like this water, my friend. When it is agited, it becomes difficult to see.. But if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear."- Kung Fu Panda

untitled.

Dah lukis 10 kali, baru boleh kata tak lawa.

Suatu petang Aidiladha yang hening, tatkala aku sedang menonton TV, anak buah kesayangan aku memujuk aku supaya main lukis-lukis dengan dia. Sebagai makcik yang mithali, aku pun menyambut pelawaannya itu. Dia memang suka main lukis-lukis dengan aku sejak dia kecik lagi. Semasa 4 tahun aku di perantauan, aku asah skill melukisnya through YM! Doodle, memang all out la budak ni, lukis guna pensel boleh, guna mouse pun boleh. Heheh.

This time, dia mintak aku ajar dia lukis buaian. Sebab dia baru lepas balik dari playground. Kurang seminit aku dah siap lukis buaian untuk dia (buaian yang aku lukis bersesuaian dengan motor skills budak umur 7 tahun). Macam biasa, aku suruh dia buat pulak. Lepas dia lukis satu line ni, dia padam balik.

Aku: Apsal padam? Buat je dulu. Tak sama pun takpe.
Icha: Tak reti.... nanti tak lawa
Aku: Laa.. Kalau tak lukis lagi camna dah cakap tak lawa. Cuba la dulu.
Icha: Tak nak. Nanti tak lawa..

Dia dah mula muncungkan mulut, hampir menunjukkan ciri-ciri untuk 'throw tantrums'. Tapi masih nekad nak belajar juga. Dia try lukis lagi.....then padam semula.

Aku: Apsal padam? OK je garisan tu.
Icha: Tak laaawaa....tau dah mesti tak lawa.

Suddenly, it strikes me of how much she resembles me. I felt like I am talking to myself, the mini-me. Belum cuba dah fikir macam-macam, always have negative thoughts about things before I even actually experience/ do it. "Apsal tak drive?" "Alah, tak konfiden ah, tak reti nak park, nanti tersondol kereta orang sebelah, nanti kemek, nanti kena hon, nanti langgar ayam *(?), nanti itu....nanti ini.". What the heck? Drive je la kan. Nenek umur 60 lebih boleh drive, takkan kau tak boleh (monologue untuk diri sendiri).

Selepas refleksi diri, aku berbalik kepada si Icha ni. Aku pun naik buntu, macam mana aku nak suruh dia start lukis, START lukis. Ding (bunyi metol menyala), aku pun came out dengan satu principle ni, which aku belasah je sebenarnya.

Aku: Icha try je la lukis dulu, mana boleh lukis sekali terus jadi lawa. Kena lukis banyak-banyak kali baru boleh jadi lawa. Sekarang ni, lukis je dulu, tak boleh kata tak lawa. Kalau dah lukis 10 kali, BARU boleh kata tak lawa. Boley??

Icha: Aaaa (sedikit blur) Yela...(sambil start lukis)


Aku pun sambung tengok TV. Tiga minit lepas tu dia bersuara:

Icha: Ala makde... tak lawaaaa
Aku: Berapa kali dah lukis?
Icha: 3 kali
Aku: Ada berapa kali lagi baru boleh kata tak lawa?
Icha: 7 kali (sambil sengih-sengih)
Aku: Ok good. Lukis lagi

Selang beberapa minit:

Icha: Ala dah 6 kali dah, tak lawa...
Aku: Kan ada lagi 4 kali. Cuba lagi

Tapi dalam hati aku, alamak kalau dia dah 10 kali lukis tapi tak lawa (bagi dia) macam mana? Habislah principle yang aku perkenalkan ni. But that was not my point. My point was for her to START and KEEP drawing, regardless of the results.

Lama dia senyap. Then aku jenguk tengok apa jadi.

Icha: OK dah siap!...Nak warna pulak!!!
Aku: Wohhoooo! Good girl.

Yayy..lengkap satu playground.

Nama saya Danisha. Love this girl.

*kisah benar

Tagline Nike: Just Do It!!

suck it up, buttercup!

those megawatts eyes..